Conflict Resolution Guidelines |
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Process & Communication
Revised 10/11/06
Assumptions
Conflicts are unavoidable in human relations. Our approach to them can be one that makes use of conflict as a means of building trust, creating innovative solutions to problems, and strengthening relationships. However, either avoiding conflict or approaching resolution adversarially, will destroy the essence of true community: interdependence based on trust.
Proactive Strategy
While we recognize that some conflict is inevitable, we can reduce the amount of conflict within the community through the open communication of values and feelings. We will therefore schedule meeting time that specifically creates an opportunity for open sharing of values and feelings amongst community members. (See Meeting of the Hearts in the Decision Making & Meetings Agreement.) We will also encourage members to do so privately. In this way, there will be a greater level of tolerance, respect, empathy, and understanding created amongst members, all of which will help reduce potential conflicts.
Conflict Resolution Strategies
Conflicts may arise either within a meeting or outside of a meeting. This document primarily addresses resolution of conflicts that happen outside of meetings, although the principles may be applied to all types of conflicts. Conflicts that arise within a meeting are addressed in Facilitation Guidelines and Facilitation Tools Resource.
When conflicts do arise, the following strategies are available to help resolve them, but for any strategy to work, both parties in the conflict must be committed to resolution and determined to maintain a healthy relationship with each other.
1. Unassisted Resolution
Conflict is resolved by the parties involved by practicing the CONFLICT RESOLUTION TECHNIQUES detailed below with no outside help.
2. Mediation
It is recommended that the parties in conflict first attempt resolution by themselves, seeking third party assistance if resolution is not achieved. When seeking third party assistance, one option is to utilize a mediator from within the community who assists the parties in designing their own solution utilizing the CONFLICT RESOLUTION TECHNIQUES. The Process & Communication team has a list of recommended mediators.
3. Professional Assistance
Conflicting parties may choose to seek professional help in mediation.
CONFLICT RESOLUTION TECHNIQUES
Keep in Mind
Positions are measurable and specific to a given situation. They are more negotiable (hopefully). For example, wanting to create a 400 square foot vegetable garden.
Environment for Resolution
Mediator Preparation
As a mediator, you must:
Basic Steps to Resolution
These steps are followed during the course of one or more meetings when you are working out the conflict on your own or when a mediator is involved.
1. Personal Preparation
If a mediator is being used, you may find it helpful to address the mediator rather than each other.
Revised 10/11/06
Assumptions
Conflicts are unavoidable in human relations. Our approach to them can be one that makes use of conflict as a means of building trust, creating innovative solutions to problems, and strengthening relationships. However, either avoiding conflict or approaching resolution adversarially, will destroy the essence of true community: interdependence based on trust.
Proactive Strategy
While we recognize that some conflict is inevitable, we can reduce the amount of conflict within the community through the open communication of values and feelings. We will therefore schedule meeting time that specifically creates an opportunity for open sharing of values and feelings amongst community members. (See Meeting of the Hearts in the Decision Making & Meetings Agreement.) We will also encourage members to do so privately. In this way, there will be a greater level of tolerance, respect, empathy, and understanding created amongst members, all of which will help reduce potential conflicts.
Conflict Resolution Strategies
Conflicts may arise either within a meeting or outside of a meeting. This document primarily addresses resolution of conflicts that happen outside of meetings, although the principles may be applied to all types of conflicts. Conflicts that arise within a meeting are addressed in Facilitation Guidelines and Facilitation Tools Resource.
When conflicts do arise, the following strategies are available to help resolve them, but for any strategy to work, both parties in the conflict must be committed to resolution and determined to maintain a healthy relationship with each other.
1. Unassisted Resolution
Conflict is resolved by the parties involved by practicing the CONFLICT RESOLUTION TECHNIQUES detailed below with no outside help.
2. Mediation
It is recommended that the parties in conflict first attempt resolution by themselves, seeking third party assistance if resolution is not achieved. When seeking third party assistance, one option is to utilize a mediator from within the community who assists the parties in designing their own solution utilizing the CONFLICT RESOLUTION TECHNIQUES. The Process & Communication team has a list of recommended mediators.
3. Professional Assistance
Conflicting parties may choose to seek professional help in mediation.
CONFLICT RESOLUTION TECHNIQUES
Keep in Mind
- Personality Styles
- Principles vs. Positions
Positions are measurable and specific to a given situation. They are more negotiable (hopefully). For example, wanting to create a 400 square foot vegetable garden.
Environment for Resolution
- A Safe Place
- The Right Time and Enough Time
- Someone You Both Can Trust
Mediator Preparation
As a mediator, you must:
- Care about the people involved rather than the issues, yet remain completely impartial.
- Be aware of your personal biases and projections.
- Be willing to let the parties experience their own strength rather than feel like they are being “rescued”. But, not be so neutral that you erase yourself.
- Facilitate, support, and defend the resolution process.
- Be willing to share personal experiences and vulnerability when appropriate.
- Trust your own intuitive knowing.
Basic Steps to Resolution
These steps are followed during the course of one or more meetings when you are working out the conflict on your own or when a mediator is involved.
1. Personal Preparation
- Review our Interpersonal Agreements.
- Look inside yourself to become aware of your feelings and energy in regard to conflict in general and this conflict in particular and try to determine why.
- Realize that you are both seeking healing. Imagine creating an outcome that achieves satisfaction for each of you — one that enhances community for all involved.
- Agree on the process for conflict resolution.
- Agree to stay in the relationship and make it better by resolving this conflict.
- Agree to treat each other with respect.
- No blaming or name-calling.
- Openness to learn from other points of view.
- Active listening and no interruptions.
If a mediator is being used, you may find it helpful to address the mediator rather than each other.
- Take turns, a few minutes each, to state the way you experience the conflict.
- Focus on specific incidents and don’t drag up old unresolved issues.
- No personal opinions from people not in the room (“Ann thinks so too . . . .”).
- Describe behavior and your feelings (“When you did X, I felt Y.”).
- Don’t interpret other’s behavior. Simply report what happened.
- Some helpful questions:
- Who has the conflict? (Who doesn’t?)
- Where is the conflict located? (Where does it not exist?)
- How long has the conflict been brewing?
- What was the first sign of the conflict?
- What are the key events that got the conflict to where it’s at now?
- How does the conflict currently show up?
- Take turns, a few minutes each, to restate what the other said, highlighting the main points.
- Concur that the restatements were complete and accurate. Make corrections if necessary.
- Pause and silently reflect on how you now feel. Have you both been heard?
- Keep an open heart. Silently affirm the inherent goodness of the other.
- Identify the underlying assumptions, beliefs, and information sources.
- Identify underlying principles (vs. positions).
- Identify areas of agreement and disagreement.
- Each of you defines your success criteria:
- “I will know this conflict is resolved to my satisfaction when . . . .”
- Strive for concrete, measurable criteria.
- Brainstorm as many ways as possible to meet shared principles.
- Mediator may help with this with the consent of both parties.
- Create a solution that meets your success criteria and is as specific as possible, and therefore less subject to varying interpretations.
- If appropriate, write it down and sign it.
- Mediator reviews solution to ensure that it is doable.
- Agree to maintain confidentiality of resolution or communicate it only via explicitly agreed upon means.
- Agree to follow up with each other at specific times.
- Check on whether the solution is being followed.
- Revise it if necessary.
- Discuss what is the most important thing that you learned from the conflict and what you might do differently in the future.
- Celebrate!