Communication Skills Guidelines |
|
Process & Communication
Revised 01/17/15
The heart and soul of our community is communication. We strive for open and compassionate
communication. The core of our communication is captured in our Interpersonal Agreements. We are
committed to supporting and respecting each other. We are committed to active listening and empathy.
When the inevitable conflicts arise, we are committed to talking directly to the person with whom we have a
conflict in order to restore harmony, rather than simply complaining behind their back or holding a grudge.
These are high ideals which are difficult to live up to, but we are committed to them and we keep striving.
We seek the same sort of supportive, compassionate exchange in our community email chat. Please see our
Chat Usage Guidelines for more specific guidance on electronic communication.
Each one of us is responsible for good communications and harmonious relationships, but the Process &
Communication team is available to help us when the going gets rough. For example someone from P&C may
mediate a conflict resolution discussion if the participants think it would be helpful. The team has several
experienced mediators.
Communication Tips and Skills
We strive to live in harmony with each other. For harmony to reign in our community, good communication
skills are our foundation, starting with the ability to listen.
Listening
Speaking
Levels of Communication
Most of the things people say can be taken on 3 levels.
You can respond to another person’s statement on any one of these levels. Try to communicate on the speaker’s intended level. Different people are more comfortable communicating on different levels and may automatically reply on the same level most of the time. Try to be alert to all 3 levels and develop your ability to respond to each of them.
Feedback
If you have a problem with someone and you avoid giving them feedback for too long, the situation often gets worse and worse until a minor problem becomes a major crises. Feedback should be separated from blame and should be approached as a shared, cooperative process to help improve your relationship. It is often helpful to think of feedback as a gift, both in the giving and in the receiving.
Before you give feedback, ask yourself:
Giving Feedback
If the feedback is going to be difficult or lengthy, ask the other person if this is a good time to talk about something important.
There are 3 steps in giving feedback:
1) BEHAVIOR – Give feedback about the specific behavior without evaluating the behavior. A neutral observation of action or inaction.
2) EFFECT – What happened to you or others as a result of the behavior. Specifically consider:
Receiving Feedback
If someone is giving you feedback without using the feedback model described here, you can pull them gently into it by asking questions about Behavior, Effects, and Alternative Behavior.
Constructive Discussion Practices for Community and Team Meetings
These ideas can be practiced by the facilitator and/or the participants.
Please visit the Communication Toolkit Resource for specific communication strategies/tools and philosophies.
Revised 01/17/15
The heart and soul of our community is communication. We strive for open and compassionate
communication. The core of our communication is captured in our Interpersonal Agreements. We are
committed to supporting and respecting each other. We are committed to active listening and empathy.
When the inevitable conflicts arise, we are committed to talking directly to the person with whom we have a
conflict in order to restore harmony, rather than simply complaining behind their back or holding a grudge.
These are high ideals which are difficult to live up to, but we are committed to them and we keep striving.
We seek the same sort of supportive, compassionate exchange in our community email chat. Please see our
Chat Usage Guidelines for more specific guidance on electronic communication.
Each one of us is responsible for good communications and harmonious relationships, but the Process &
Communication team is available to help us when the going gets rough. For example someone from P&C may
mediate a conflict resolution discussion if the participants think it would be helpful. The team has several
experienced mediators.
Communication Tips and Skills
We strive to live in harmony with each other. For harmony to reign in our community, good communication
skills are our foundation, starting with the ability to listen.
Listening
- Pay close attention and try to understand the message from the speaker’s perspective.
- Show respect for others’ ideas. Avoid quick judgments.
- Let the speaker know that you are listening and care about what they are expressing.
- Ask questions or ask speaker to rephrase a statement to help improve your understanding. Be sensitive of the speaker.
- Paraphrase what you heard and ask if that was what was really meant.
- If you think you hear an unstated message “between the lines”, ask whether your perceptions are accurate.
- Examine your assumptions about the speaker and be aware of what conclusions you may be drawing based on them. You might want to share the assumption with the speaker and find out if it is valid.
Speaking
- Use "I" statements.
- Clearly present your ideas, opinions, and feelings.
- Try to distinguish between ideas and opinions.
- Express the feelings that are part of your opinions.
- Be concise and relevant. It’s easier for others to listen to and understand you.
- State your main point first, then offer background information, rather than building up to your main point.
- Maintain balance between being persuasive and being persuadable.
Levels of Communication
Most of the things people say can be taken on 3 levels.
- Content – The facts or the information of the message.
- Sentiment – How the speaker feels about what he or she is saying.
- Intent – The reason for making the statement.
You can respond to another person’s statement on any one of these levels. Try to communicate on the speaker’s intended level. Different people are more comfortable communicating on different levels and may automatically reply on the same level most of the time. Try to be alert to all 3 levels and develop your ability to respond to each of them.
Feedback
If you have a problem with someone and you avoid giving them feedback for too long, the situation often gets worse and worse until a minor problem becomes a major crises. Feedback should be separated from blame and should be approached as a shared, cooperative process to help improve your relationship. It is often helpful to think of feedback as a gift, both in the giving and in the receiving.
Before you give feedback, ask yourself:
- Is it a good time to give feedback?
- Has the person expressed a willingness to hear the feedback?
- Is the person in a good emotional state to receive feedback?
- Am I in a good emotional state to give feedback?
- Is the behavior or problem something that the other person has the power to change?
Giving Feedback
If the feedback is going to be difficult or lengthy, ask the other person if this is a good time to talk about something important.
There are 3 steps in giving feedback:
1) BEHAVIOR – Give feedback about the specific behavior without evaluating the behavior. A neutral observation of action or inaction.
2) EFFECT – What happened to you or others as a result of the behavior. Specifically consider:
- What you thought about the behavior.
- How you felt about the behavior.
- How you reacted to the behavior.
Receiving Feedback
- Be open to it.
- Do not defend or argue.
- Listen carefully.
- Probe for understanding. “Tell me more.”
- Reflect on it.
- Be grateful for receiving it.
If someone is giving you feedback without using the feedback model described here, you can pull them gently into it by asking questions about Behavior, Effects, and Alternative Behavior.
Constructive Discussion Practices for Community and Team Meetings
These ideas can be practiced by the facilitator and/or the participants.
- Work to create a safe, creative, and cooperative environment — an environment in which disagreement can be expressed without fear. Criticisms can be heard not as attacks, not as attempts to defeat a proposal, but as a concern which, when resolved, will make the proposal stronger.
- Remember that we are working together to create a mutually acceptable decision.
- Listen actively. Listen for understanding and appreciation. Respond to speaker letting them know that you hear and care about what they have to say.
- Clarify and rephrase complicated or confusing discussion or have speaker do so.
- If you do not agree with another’s statement, respect and validate their feelings by acknowledging what they said before you make your point.
- Avoid side conversations and interruptions.
- Make positive suggestions to proposals rather than just pointing out weaknesses.
- Don’t attach someone’s name to a specific idea.
- Disagree with ideas, not with people.
- Avoid comments which create a negative environment and contribute to people being afraid to speak.
- Summarize underlying agreement and disagreement.
- State the obvious about what’s going on with the process.
- Avoid dominating speaking time. Be aware of when you might be rambling or repeating yourself or others. Encourage members who speak too much to be briefer and those who are quiet to contribute more.
- Use humor softly, not sharply.
- Finger snapping indicates agreement with an expressed idea (like applause), thus eliminating the need to repeat what is being said.
- Use “I” statements to take responsibility for your feelings about an issue.
- Be specific rather than using universals (all, never, always, etc.).
- Use specific comparisons rather than unspecified comparatives (better, worse, more, etc.). “Better than what?”
- State your position or concern before asking others for their’s.
- “I’m not comfortable with . . . . .” is a good, non-aggressive statement.
Please visit the Communication Toolkit Resource for specific communication strategies/tools and philosophies.