Why Would Anyone Join a Cohousing Group?
Excerpts from Cohousing-L, the cohousing email discussion group, written by people actually living in cohousing.
Excerpts from Cohousing-L, the cohousing email discussion group, written by people actually living in cohousing.
From: Bob Alberti
Subject: Why would anyone join a cohousing group?
I am wondering why anyone would join a cohousing group. Cohousing groups seem to work their asses off for years in order to get started, only to live in properties that are (as far as I can tell) overpriced and smaller than similar stand-alone properties of the same value.
Also there was a concern of faith -- what if this all failed? What if, whatever group we joined, it just collapsed for some reason? It was hard to imagine where we'd be in that case: homeless, with our money tied up in some collapsed cooperative?
I am left with the perception that cohousing involves more labor; more interpersonal conflicts which place more on the line and take more work to resolve than simply being irritated by one's neighbors; is more expensive and requires more labor; yields less free time and less quality-of-life due to endless meetings and maintenance; places the family at significant financial risk; is hard to get into and out of; and yields what benefits?
- Bob Alberti
Subject: Why would anyone join a cohousing group?
I am wondering why anyone would join a cohousing group. Cohousing groups seem to work their asses off for years in order to get started, only to live in properties that are (as far as I can tell) overpriced and smaller than similar stand-alone properties of the same value.
Also there was a concern of faith -- what if this all failed? What if, whatever group we joined, it just collapsed for some reason? It was hard to imagine where we'd be in that case: homeless, with our money tied up in some collapsed cooperative?
I am left with the perception that cohousing involves more labor; more interpersonal conflicts which place more on the line and take more work to resolve than simply being irritated by one's neighbors; is more expensive and requires more labor; yields less free time and less quality-of-life due to endless meetings and maintenance; places the family at significant financial risk; is hard to get into and out of; and yields what benefits?
- Bob Alberti
From: Rob Sandelin
Subject: Re: Why would anyone join a cohousing group?
My perspective comes from living in cohousing for 5 years now, visiting and talking with bunches of other cohousers in gatherings and conferences, and visiting other communities. So here is my top ten list, from my perspective of living in cohousing:
I would say the $ value of all those things, to me, would be in the million dollar range. My house cost me less than market value to build and is worth way more than I paid for it should I ever move to another community. Notice I said move to another community. It is inconceivable for me to ever move back to a "normal" neighborhood, where everyone is a stranger and I have to be afraid every time my kid goes out the door.
- Rob Sandelin, Sharingwood Cohousing
Subject: Re: Why would anyone join a cohousing group?
My perspective comes from living in cohousing for 5 years now, visiting and talking with bunches of other cohousers in gatherings and conferences, and visiting other communities. So here is my top ten list, from my perspective of living in cohousing:
- Living in community offers security. You can rely on your neighbors to help you, even when you don't ask. This is huge for me, that my family is in a safe and supportive place. My grandmother died recently, my neighbors knew all about it, sent cards and sympathy and support to my family. HER neighbors didn't even know she was sick, most of them didn't even know her name. How many of them could she ask for help if she needed it?
- Community offers social opportunities. I can have wonderful and meaningful interactions with people I like, who are my neighbors, just by sitting out on my porch. I really enjoy hanging out and talking with folks about everything, politics, the news, kids. Sharing our histories and ourselves grows a wonderful bond among us.
- Supportive place for kids to grow up. Safe, lots of friends – both other kids and adults. Kids can play and I know any adult in the neighborhood will be there for them in case of need. Fun place to be an adult, lots of play opportunity with kids, and other adults.
- Great place to collaborate with people who share similar interests. Small groups form revolving around shared common interests, beer making, sewing, gardening, music, etc. I don't have to "go" anywhere to enjoy a beer making club; my neighbors and I can do that. The common house is great for that.
- A sense of togetherness and belonging. I am part of something that is really wonderful, it is a model for a better way to live, and we all together are doing it. I can't explain this in words very well but there is a strong feeling of happiness that comes from working with my neighbors on a variety of projects.
- A great restaurant in the middle of my neighborhood, called the common house, where I can go have dinner and great conversation with friends when I want to.
- Great place to learn new things. I always wanted to try making beer. Having a couple of neighbors share that interest got me home brewing. We learn and try new stuff all the time.
- A great place to share ownership of things that I couldn't really afford myself, such as a workshop, play structure, tools, library etc.
- Huge personal resources available. Want to know about bee keeping? I go ask Mel, and get all kinds of info. Having problems with my car? Mark knows lots about such things. Want to build a shed? Bob can give me advice, help me scrounge materials, hell, did half the work one Saturday. A neighborhood like mine is a collection of 26 lifetimes worth of experience in all manner of things. What a treasure trove!
- Privacy. I get ALL the great benefits of cooperative living, and also get huge amounts of privacy, whenever I want just by going home and closing the door or going into the 25 acre woods that surround my house that everybody shares ownership of.
I would say the $ value of all those things, to me, would be in the million dollar range. My house cost me less than market value to build and is worth way more than I paid for it should I ever move to another community. Notice I said move to another community. It is inconceivable for me to ever move back to a "normal" neighborhood, where everyone is a stranger and I have to be afraid every time my kid goes out the door.
- Rob Sandelin, Sharingwood Cohousing
From: Stuart Staniford-Chen
Subject: Re: Why would anyone join a cohousing group?
I've lived in N St Cohousing for five years, and I wouldn't have missed the experience for anything. I'll give a few reasons why I like living here. Probably others in N St would have quite different reasons than me.
Getting to meet really neat people.
Perhaps because cohousing is new and different, it attracts a lot of interesting people. I get to live and interact with some of them on a very regular basis.
Regular social interaction.
Casual social interaction does not come easily to me; I am not an extroverted person. Absent cohousing, I have a tendency to end up only interacting with my partner and at work. Living here, I find that I interact casually all the time – over dinner, bumping into people on the path, neighbors dropping by. I don't have to make any effort for this to happen; there is just a background buzz of social interaction in my life. I think I'm happier and healthier as a result.
Personal / professional growth.
Cohousing has a strong culture of effective meetings and effective conflict resolution. I have personally learned a tremendous amount about how better to handle myself in the world as a result of my exposure to N St. I am not exaggerating when I say that what I have learned has allowed me to transform my workplace from being rather dysfunctional to being quite effective. Our decision making process is much improved and we have a clear overall sense of our goals and we pay regular attention to whether we are on track to achieve them.
Certainly, living closely with other people brings up conflicts. If you never talk to anyone, you will never have any conflicts. However, handling them gracefully is a skill that can be learnt. The better I have gotten, the easier things have been for me (and those around me :-). No doubt there is room for quite a bit more improvement.
Help in difficulty.
If my car breaks down, I know that there are half a dozen I can borrow within walking distance. If I go on vacation, there are numerous people who I can call on to watch the house. I just don't have to worry about those kinds of issues.
Helping me to cut resource use.
I feel guilty when I use a lot of energy / resources since I know as a civilization we are using up the planet at an unsustainable rate. Living in N St I can share things. My wife and I don't have a second car because we can borrow one occasionally. In turn, we loan ours out and I believe that helps other people to not have a second car. Similarly, the community has much fewer than the usual number of washing machines, lawn mowers, etc.
- Stuart Staniford-Chen, N St Cohousing
Subject: Re: Why would anyone join a cohousing group?
I've lived in N St Cohousing for five years, and I wouldn't have missed the experience for anything. I'll give a few reasons why I like living here. Probably others in N St would have quite different reasons than me.
Getting to meet really neat people.
Perhaps because cohousing is new and different, it attracts a lot of interesting people. I get to live and interact with some of them on a very regular basis.
Regular social interaction.
Casual social interaction does not come easily to me; I am not an extroverted person. Absent cohousing, I have a tendency to end up only interacting with my partner and at work. Living here, I find that I interact casually all the time – over dinner, bumping into people on the path, neighbors dropping by. I don't have to make any effort for this to happen; there is just a background buzz of social interaction in my life. I think I'm happier and healthier as a result.
Personal / professional growth.
Cohousing has a strong culture of effective meetings and effective conflict resolution. I have personally learned a tremendous amount about how better to handle myself in the world as a result of my exposure to N St. I am not exaggerating when I say that what I have learned has allowed me to transform my workplace from being rather dysfunctional to being quite effective. Our decision making process is much improved and we have a clear overall sense of our goals and we pay regular attention to whether we are on track to achieve them.
Certainly, living closely with other people brings up conflicts. If you never talk to anyone, you will never have any conflicts. However, handling them gracefully is a skill that can be learnt. The better I have gotten, the easier things have been for me (and those around me :-). No doubt there is room for quite a bit more improvement.
Help in difficulty.
If my car breaks down, I know that there are half a dozen I can borrow within walking distance. If I go on vacation, there are numerous people who I can call on to watch the house. I just don't have to worry about those kinds of issues.
Helping me to cut resource use.
I feel guilty when I use a lot of energy / resources since I know as a civilization we are using up the planet at an unsustainable rate. Living in N St I can share things. My wife and I don't have a second car because we can borrow one occasionally. In turn, we loan ours out and I believe that helps other people to not have a second car. Similarly, the community has much fewer than the usual number of washing machines, lawn mowers, etc.
- Stuart Staniford-Chen, N St Cohousing